Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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