And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
