weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You're a waste of cheezeits
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You left your phone here
Wait...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
