how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
