My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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