booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
