Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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