there's paper in my vomit.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
