Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
