it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
