I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
