I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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