i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
