There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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