Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
