his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My balls are so social today.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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