Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have post one night stand depression
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
