I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
