what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
