ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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