Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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