On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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