shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
