he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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