How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
