I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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