She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
