I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
