you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
