So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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