I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
