I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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