I cannot find my penis.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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