i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
