what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
