you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
