he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
