My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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