Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
