if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
