I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
