Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
