??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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