Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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