Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
