whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize