so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
smell my finger.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
