Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
