I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just cropdusted the office
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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