Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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