thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
