just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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