His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
