Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
