don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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