Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
