Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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