I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
