Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
