I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
