i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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