remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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