the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
