it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Come on in and take your pants off
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