The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
