saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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