If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
