i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize